I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
