I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
