No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
