Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
