you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this just has baby written all over it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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