Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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