Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
