Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize