Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
