i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
