i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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