he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
