It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize