It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
