Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
