I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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