If i come over, it means nothing
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
