U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
