I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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