I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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