why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
