This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone came in the potted fern
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
