Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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