it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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