remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize