In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
