If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize