I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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