I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
