this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
