if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
