Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i will never coherently bang her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
