im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize