Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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