my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
