I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
nutella sex= disaster
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize