so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
