Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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