If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
