so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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