just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
