hotel room ftw
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
someone owes me an orgasm
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
