my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As shirtless as possible
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
