So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
