I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
