SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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