dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
