This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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