lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
