she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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