I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
