She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
