So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
