ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
