i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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