I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So much Jack, so little girl.
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