I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
