After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
