Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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