if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize