yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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