I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
