3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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