i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
